1. Your spouse is not the problem.
The most miserable people I see in the divorce process are the ones who believe their spouse is the problem. These people have no ability to see how they contributed to their own circumstances. They play the role of the victim. All of their energy is focused on the other person and the perceived “wrong”. They want getting divorced to “make this right”, to “get justice”. They attempt to use the legal system to punish their spouse.
The truth about divorce is that the Judge doesn’t care that your spouse cheated on you, spent money frivolously or refused to work.
The truth about divorce is that the more you focus on the other spouse, the more miserable you will be. It may seem much easier to focus on your spouse instead of looking inward to determine where you went wrong. But, when your focus is on the other person, it is up to the other person to change his behavior in order for you to get relief.
The truth about divorce is the more you focus on your spouse, the more control that person has over your life. However, if you step outside the cycle and begin to focus inward, you gain the ability to control the outcome.
The truth about divorce is that, if you can change independent of your spouse, you may realize that you were the problem all along. This may allow you to save your marriage. However, even if you proceed forward with divorce, it can be happy, healthy and productive.
The truth about divorce is that it can be a catalyst for creating a better self and, therefore, a better life.
2. Divorce Attorneys don’t always have your best interest at heart.
The truth about divorce is that there are many divorce attorneys who only care about making money. It is sometimes hard to recognize these people because they claim to be “fighting for you”, “getting justice” or “going after that S.O.B.”
The truth about divorce is that the more your attorney talks about screwing over your spouse, the more likely he is screwing you over.
The truth about divorce is that often clients want to hear this type of talk. The client’s perception is : if the attorney is talking about a reasonable resolution to the problem then the attorney is “weak” or not fighting hard enough.
The truth about divorce is that if the attorney is using the system appropriately he is helping the clients solve their own problems, outside of court, using the law as a guide.
The truth about divorce is that the more the divorce attorney finds himself in trial, the worse he is at problem solving and the greater the likelihood he is creating a bigger fight than necessary to make more money.
The truth about divorce is that the client must be able to set emotions aside to choose an attorney from a place of logic and reason.
The truth about divorce is that the choice of attorney can greatly determine the manner in which the case is resolved.
3. If you are angry at your spouse, you are in no frame of mind for getting divorced.
The truth about divorce is that clients make the worst decisions from the most emotional state. If you are still angry, you cannot be rational. Often people treat a divorce like ripping off a band-aid. The quicker you can do it, the less pain there will be. This is not truth.
The truth about divorce is that you’re going to have to stop and deal with the problems and emotions of the marriage to avoid repeating the same cycle. If you get angry, rush into getting divorced and never process the emotions, you are simply postponing the inevitable. You will find yourself in the exact same place in the not too distant future with a different spouse.
So, the decision to divorce should not be a quick one. A person can only truly decide if getting divorced is the best option once they’ve moved beyond the emotions of the break-up of the marriage.
For more truths about getting divorced, pick up your own copy of Divorce with Joy – A Divorce Attorney’s Guide to Happy Ever After. Click here to get your copy now.
Divorce with Joy provides information about divorce and legal issues designed to help users cope with their own legal needs. This legal information is not the same as personal legal advice – the application of law to an individual’s specific circumstances. If you want professional assurance regarding your personal situation, please consult a lawyer. If you are a lawyer, please review the authorities personally to determine their application to your case.
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