There is often a misconception that your lawyer should be an extension of you. People believe the lawyer is supposed to “speak on their behalf” and, therefore, should say or do exactly as the client directs. This is a dangerous way to think.
If you feel like your lawyer doesn’t always “take your side” it probably means you have a good lawyer.
Think of it this way, lawyers know the system. They see thousands of cases and have a very different perspective from those who are going through a divorce.
Lawyers are trained to deal with a case to gain the best possible result for the client. A person who is going through a divorce usually isn’t capable of seeing things this way at all – and that’s natural. Especially in a divorce, there are many emotions.
Lawyers do speak for clients. Lawyers are their voice in the courtroom. However, lawyers are not puppets.
On some level, you want your lawyer to “take your side”; to share your emotions and disgust with your spouse. However, this is the exact opposite of what you should want in a divorce lawyer.
Choose a divorce lawyer who will tell you the truth and not just what you want to hear.
While you may want your lawyer to tell you that you’ll get thousands of dollars a month in alimony or that you will get exactly the visitation schedule you desire or you won’t have to move out of your house or (insert whatever you preconception is here), that’s just not the truth.
It may be comforting to hear your lawyer tell you that you’ll get everything you want, that this traumatic experience will not be so bad and you’ll get to walk out of the marriage virtually unscathed.
Unfortunately, it’s extremely for one party to leave the marriage without having to compromise or experience the loss of something that is really important to him/her. When you have a lawyer who is preparing you for reality, it may feel like they aren’t on your side. It may feel like they don’t get it.
It may be difficult to pay someone to tell you things you don’t want to hear, but that’s the ideal lawyer.
Often it doesn’t matter how gently the lawyer attempts to steer the client away from emotions and toward a logical resolution to the case, the client struggles to stay rational. The natural instinct is to resist and cling to emotions.
At this point, it is not unusual for the client to want to switch lawyers. Clients go in search of someone to tell them differently – to tell them what they want to hear. Getting a second opinion is often the right thing to do, but make sure it’s a second opinion form a good lawyer.
I have advised many people who come to me seeking “second opinions” to stay with their lawyer. Their lawyer was giving good advice. The client just didn’t want to accept it.
Some lawyers would rather make money than tell you that your lawyer is serving you well.
In family law cases, we often see clients who have been through multiple lawyers. They switch lawyers every time they feel as though their last lawyer “never took their side.”
This is a red flag, not only for other lawyers, but for Judges.
This behavior can be damaging to your case. Resist the impulse to find new counsel just because your lawyer says things you don’t want to hear. The reality is that divorce hurts, the process is painful and the legal system is not designed to solve ALL of your problems – just your LEGAL ones.
A lawyer who will guide you to this reality is a good practitioner, especially when they don’t “always take your side.”
If you found this article helpful, you’ll love the advice you’ll find in Divorce with Joy – A Divorce Attorney’s Guide to Happy Ever After. Click here to get your copy now.
Divorce with Joy provides information about divorce and legal issues designed to help users cope with their own legal needs. This legal information is not the same as personal legal advice – the application of law to an individual’s specific circumstances. If you want professional assurance regarding your personal situation, please consult a lawyer. If you are a lawyer, please review the authorities personally to determine their application to your case.
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