Attorneys should enjoy their practice, even in the area of Family Law. Guiding people through divorce is difficult. If we, as attorneys, do not set the appropriate boundaries and set the clients up for healing, we will be miserable. I know. I have been there. There was a time in my law practice that I was depressed, miserable, felt trapped and wanted to run away to the beach and sell coconuts for a living. I was certainly in a valley and a career crisis. I found a way to climb out of that place and I’d like to share a little about my process.
Divorce with Joy has two core components: 1. My personal experience through divorce and 2. My professional experience with divorce. The end goal for me is to make the divorce process productive and healing. I think attorneys are most disenfranchised with the system when they have yet to learn how to gear the process in this direction. They are engaging clients who only choose to act out of anger, hurt and vengeance and have unrealistic expectations for the legal process of divorce.
I didn’t just write Divorce with Joy for clients going through a divorce. I also wrote it for attorneys. The types of clients the book is attracting is interesting. They are clients that I love. They are hurting and emotional, just like all divorce clients. But, they have a foundation for healing. They are educated on the legal vs. emotional aspects of a divorce. They better understand my role in the divorce, as their attorney, and they don’t expect me to fix their life. They understand their “happy ever after” is their responsibility through their choices and actions. It is not something they are expecting their attorney or the court to do for them.
The clients who have read the book have a foundation for handling the emotions of a divorce. The purpose of sharing my personal experience with divorce was to give people a plan of action for dealing with emotions. Even I, the divorce attorney trained in exercising the logical mind, had a difficult time with the emotions of divorce. Sharing my process through the divorce gives people permission to be emotional. They don’t have to stifle it. In fact, they should process those emotions. Therefore, they are receptive when attorneys identify when they are mixing the legal and the emotional parts of divorce and can be guided to process emotions out of court and solve only legal problems in court.
It is a much more pleasant practice of law when clients have these foundations. As attorneys our role is to solve legal problems. We are given the freedom to do explore creative solutions because we aren’t constantly being asked to solve emotional problems the legal system isn’t designed to solve.
Now, I am asking all family law attorneys to read Divorce with Joy and recommend it to their clients. The principles of the book apply nationwide. I believe attorneys will be happier in the practice of law when they and their clients implement the tools of the book. I believe we need Family Law attorneys who care about families and have a deep desire to do what is best for their clients. I also believe that these attorneys quickly become burned out and jaded because they can get easily wrapped up in their client’s emotional process. My goal for Divorce with Joy is to prevent burnout and assist these caring family law attorneys to remain happy and fulfilled in the practice of law.
The most common objection I receive from other attorneys is that they would absolutely recommend they book but they don’t want to lose their clients to me. My response is this: 1. The book can be provided/recommended after the contract is signed. If your initial retainer is non-refundable, the client isn’t going to jump ship 2. I am certainly not the type of attorney to steal clients. I value the respect of my fellow attorneys and am not so motivated by money that I would jeopardize that respect. 3. There are two attorneys on every case. My vision is to build a network where the family law attorneys who practice appropriately are flourishing, not because they are making $50,000 per case but because they are assisting the bulk of divorcing couples through the process. They are making a good living helping many people through cases at a reasonable rate, productively, with the focus on the family not the monthly billing.
In summary, here are some of the take-aways from Divorce with Joy – A Divorce Attorney’s Guide to Happy Ever After:
For Clients:
- Clients have a foundation to distinguish between the legal and emotional aspects of divorce
- Clients have a procedure for processing the emotions of divorce outside the legal system
- Clients understand more fully the role of the attorney in the process, not as a savior but a problem solver
- Clients are more receptive to appropriate boundaries as set by their attorneys
For Attorneys:
- Attorneys are able to quickly and easily present to clients a wealth of information to assist in dealing appropriately with the divorce
- Attorneys are given tools to begin to lay the foundation for a productive process of divorce in the initial consultation and beyond
- Attorneys are given language for the attorney/client contract which assists clients in maintaining separation between the legal and emotional aspects of divorce
- Attorneys are able to focus on solving legal process and directing clients to more appropriate remedies for the emotional process
The end result? Everyone is happier and healthier. I have a program for attorneys who are recommending Divorce with Joy to their clients. Contact me directly if you’d like more information – joy@divorcewithjoy.com
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