Considerations for Anyone Getting a Divorce
There are many things to consider when getting a divorce but the most important thing to consider is your communication skills. If possible you should consider this before you file the divorce so you can start the process on the right track. But even if your divorce has already started you can turn things around by focusing on communication. There are many different people you will have to communicate with but I would like to highlight three important groups:
- your soon to be ex-spouse
- your children
- your family and friends
Considering the best way to communicate with these groups of people and sticking to it throughout the process will help any person going through a divorce.
Communication with your soon to be ex-spouse is vital. You may be thinking, “I’m getting a divorce because my spouse and I don’t know how to communicate so how can we be expected to communicate now?” This is a very good question and you probably are not going to like the answer. Whether you used to be able to communicate or not, if you want the divorce process to go smoothly then you will have to learn to communicate with your spouse in a civil manner.
I’m not suggesting you have to be best friends or talk every day but common courtesy and civility are a must. Even if each of you has an attorney it is difficult to completely avoid speaking to your spouse throughout the process. Having an attorney can be very helpful in situations when you know you just can’t be civil or you’ve reached a breaking point. Your attorney can take over the communication for you to make sure the discourse stays civil. A good attorney remains objective throughout the process and can “translate” your frustrated and angry words into something more productive to the process.
Another important area of communication is with your children. Generally the court does not appreciate when parents discuss their divorce case with their minor children. The court’s main objective in any divorce with children is to look out for the child’s best interest. The child’s best interest is generally centered on the philosophy that all kids deserve to have a caring and loving relationship with both of their parents. When one parent speaks about the other parent in a negative way, it affects that child’s relationship with both parents. It may be difficult at times but when it comes to your children you have to forget about what you think of your spouse. You have to remember that every negative thing you say about your child’s mother or father affects that child. It affects them now and it will affect their relationships in the future.
During the divorce process you will also have to communicate with extended family members and friends. You should consider what you want these people to know about your divorce. Extended family members and friends can often be a great resource during a divorce, but not every family member or friend will be supportive of your decisions. You may want to decide before you get divorce which people you will share information with and how much you are going to share.
It’s important to surround yourself with people who have a positive influence on you, not those who enjoy seeing you miserable. I have a feeling you know which family and friends fall into which of those two categories. You want people who will be supportive but honest, so don’t push someone away just because they don’t always agree with your decisions. You want people who will really listen to what’s going on and can give constructive advice or criticism when you need it.
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Divorce with Joy provides information about divorce and legal issues designed to help users cope with their own legal needs. This legal information is not the same as personal legal advice – the application of law to an individual’s specific circumstances. If you want professional assurance regarding your personal situation, please consult a lawyer. If you are a lawyer, please review the authorities personally to determine their application to your case.
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