“Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it.” – Martin Luther King, Jr
It has struck me for years that people got divorces all wrong. Divorces are hard, really hard. A marriage becomes the foundation of your life, the window from which your world is viewed. A singular becomes a plural. An “I” becomes a “We”. People assume that in a divorce, it again becomes all about the “me”. As a result, people getting divorced become selfish and self-absorbed. They assume if a marriage was formed in love and companionship, the break-down of the marriage must become about hate and individualism. It becomes about “me, me, me, me” and the collective good is lost. Misery, isolation and heartache abound.
What if we changed the way we spoke about the process? What if we made the end result of getting divorced, not a broken home but two happy, healthy homes? What if we chose to seek happiness, love and joy in the process? What if we didn’t limit this to a divorce? What if we made this choice with every process of our life? What if we ignored conventional thoughts of how things had to be and created them in the image of love?
People always assumed getting divorced had to be miserable. People always assumed the fight had to consume the family, to break it and leave an aftermath of destruction. The fight against injustice doesn’t have to destroy us. The darkness Dr. King was fighting was horrible, pervasive, and the accepted “norm”. It was one of the worst times of our history. And yet, he chose to fight darkness with light. He chose a life a peace and love. He chose to give grace in the face of injustice.
Fighting darkness with darkness only compounds suffering. And yet, for years, people assumed they needed to fight their spouse. There were no boundaries. They starve each other out, spew hateful words, pass judgment on each other’s actions and continuously feed negativity. This is the opposite of Dr. King’s lesson.
People told Dr. King he had to fight dirty. People accused Dr. King of being weak. People didn’t believe things could get accomplished through love and grace. What Dr. King understood was that there was no other way to accomplish good. This remains true today. If it was good enough for Dr. King and the travesty he was fighting, it is good enough for us. Whatever your challenge, face it with love and grace.
Divorce with Joy is based on this very principle. It is the practical application of loving through a divorce. In the end, there is no true solution to any problem outside of love.
Everybody can be great…because anybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.” — Martin Luther King Jr.
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