The topic of extraordinary love has been on my mind and heart lately. I have seen a lifetime of love of this world. That love has drama, pain, insecurity, jealousy and is generally a roller coaster. I want the kind of love we were intended to have. I want an extraordinary love. It strikes me that to have anything extraordinary, we have to make choices that are different. We must go against the grain. I believe there is an amazing love and partner specifically chosen for each of us. I think we become impatient; we make choices that draw us away from our intended love and get stuck in the aftermath of those choices. As a result, what should be common, enjoyed by us all is, in fact, very out of the ordinary.
I have been seeking guidance on what exactly it means to find this love. How do I prepare for my extraordinary love and how do I recognize it when it is before me? This is difficult because I don’t believe we have many examples of extraordinary love. Too many people are in very unhappy relationships, whether they’re married or divorced or dating. Much, much too often (and I admit this for myself) the relationship is the goal. It is the be all, end all of a life of happiness; of our “happy ever after”. In the spirit of full disclosure, I am on a journey with this one. Today I speak to you from that journey and we’ll discover together where this goes. The journey today leads us to the Book of Ruth.
Preparing for Your Extraordinary Love
- KNOW YOUR IDENTITY. Nothing prepares us for enormous blessing and impact like a season of humbling. Before Ruth was ready to receive the blessing of Boaz, she had to go through a season of humbling. She was removed from her home country and everything familiar to her. She was on a long journey with only female companions (at this time in history, this was very significant because women were not allowed to make money, own property, or generally care for themselves. Women had to be cared for by a man, whether it was a husband, father, brother, or some other male relative. Without that they often didn’t make it.) Ruth endured this journey with a mother-in-law who detested her only to arrive in Bethlehem and scavenge the fields for food in a world that viewed her as below the lowest. How incredibly difficult and humbling that must have been? And yet, she served her Mother-in-Law faithfully. She worked hard from sun up to sun down. She didn’t go out and look for a man to take care of her. She rolled her sleeves up and went to work. It strikes me that God broke her down, sent her to the bottom of the pit, so that she would set aside not only her own arrogance but her reliance on a man and preoccupation with what the world thought of her. From there, He could give her all that was great because she understood herself in Christ. She understood herself as the humble servant that we’re all called to be. This was her identity. It wasn’t as a wife or mother or daughter in law. She had faced the worst of it and learned, in the journey, that she was truly, simply a faithful servant of the God. Ruth could properly handle the blessings that were coming her way once she was humbled and confident in her true identity.
- BE UNASHAMED OF YOUR STORY, YOUR HISTORY. The second thing that strikes me about Ruth: She didn’t hide who she was and where she came from. (I’m leaving that dangling preposition on purpose) She didn’t pretend. She was a Moabite in Bethlehem. The people of Moab were hated by the Israelites. They were seen as inferior people even below the servants. But, Ruth was unashamed of who she was. She viewed herself differently from how the world viewed her. She saw her own strengths. On some level, she knew her heritage was simply geography and she was transformed by her love of God. I know that I have carried shame about my past. I have not wanted to share the places from which I’ve been delivered. I think on this point Ruth has a great lesson. Ruth wasn’t concerned about the world’s opinion of her and when she found her Boaz, neither was he.
Recognizing Your Extraordinary Love
- THE EXTRAORDINARY LOVE COMES TO US. Ruth did not seek out Boaz. She was gleaning the field and he “happened” upon her. In other words, she was going about her life, taking care of her business, working hard and mindful of God’s will. I think way too often we are seeking out relationships. We are going out, going online, “on the prowl” so to speak. We don’t hear in the Book of Ruth where she is saying to God, “please will you bring me a man to make my life easier. This is too much for me, all this work trying to find food, protect myself, get water, put up with my nasty mother-in-law. Will you please God, relieve me of this?” In this instance, I think what is missing in the story says a lot. I probably would’ve been praying exactly this. I would’ve been looking for a man to make my life better, easier, to take some of the load off, etc. Not Ruth, as a matter of fact, Naomi (her mother in law) had already told her to stay in Moab and find a man. (I am paraphrasing. What Naomi actually said was more like, why are you going with me? There are no more husbands coming out of my body and, even if I could have more boys what are you going to do wait on them to get old enough to marry?) But, Ruth didn’t seem concerned about finding a husband; she was just following as God led her. She wasn’t looking for a man to save her from her circumstances, whether they were financial, emotional, physical, etc. She trusted God first, that he would bring her exactly what she needed when the time was right. She wasn’t attempting to help Him by exerting energy on finding a man or even praying for a husband. She waited patiently.
- THE EXTRAORDINARY LOVE SEES OUR TRUE IDENTITY. The number one attribute of Boaz when he came upon Ruth for the first time was that he was extraordinarily kind. He recognized Ruth for her character. He didn’t tell her how beautiful she was. He remarked at the love she had shone Naomi, her courage to leave her homeland, her hard work in the fields. He saw her, the true her. He didn’t get caught up in her past, her heritage as one from a land hated by Israel. He didn’t get caught up on what the world viewed as her negative history. He spoke of her humility, work ethic and trust in God. I think all too often we attract ordinary love by our actions. Instead of really improving ourselves, we work really hard to improve the package. We spend our time and energy on looking a certain way, having the perfect hair, nails, figure, clothes and on and on. When we do this, we attract a man who values these things. Our Boaz is not about our external beauty. I think if you want to have an extraordinary love, you have to be an extraordinary person. It has nothing to do with the package.
The kindness of Boaz was also exhibited in his deep desire to provide and protect Ruth. He instantly forbade anyone from touching, bothering or harassing Ruth. He also gave her grain and water, ordering others to bring it to her. This was very much against custom. Remember she was viewed by the world as below the servants. And suddenly, she was being served. But, I think there is a point that cannot be missed. Boaz specifically said that God would repay her good deeds. Boaz was stepping in to be the man in her life, but he was not stepping in to be the god in her life. He was going to make her life much easier but he was not her savior. She already had a savior and only God could be the leader, provider, and comforter in her life. He immediately pointed her back to God. I think often men want to be our saviors; they want to feel needed, and to be indispensable. Too many men want to be adored, worshiped, etc. Those men are not our extraordinary loves.
Wow! If you are a single woman reading this blog, I want you to know that everything you are feeling, we have all felt. I hope this has helped and you’ll continue on this journey with me. (wherever we way end up)
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