A medical doctor’s job is to restore our health. We present symptoms, the doctor makes an evaluation, prescribes a plan of treatment and, if the ailment falls outside of the doctor’s expertise, the doctor refers the patient to other professionals. The medical doctor’s creed is first and foremost to do no harm.
I went to school for a very long time. At the end of that journey, I earned a Juris Doctorate. I am a doctor of the law. I believe our creed should be the same. Our vow should be first and foremost to “do no harm”. The best thing a client who is getting a divorce can do when evaluating the attorney is to hone in on the attorney’s primary motivator. It is not hard to figure out. In Divorce with Joy – A Divorce Attorney’s Guide to Happy Ever After, I give a list of questions to ask a divorce lawyer in the interview process along with model answers. It is helpful to be armed with this knowledge. For too many attorneys, I see their primary motivator is money. I say this without judgment because the vast majority of the world idolizes money and the false sense of security it provides. The attorney makes the least amount of money on the cases where the attorney lives by the doctor’s creed. By contrast, on the case in which the attorney creates a bigger fight, inflames problems instead of solving problems and entertains the clients’ every emotional grievance, the attorney makes the most money. Getting a divorce is so hard, in part, because people are hiring attorneys who are motivated by money instead of healing families.
I see a divorce attorney’s job as one in which the attorney protects the client’s legal interests while facilitating the healing of the family. It is not to “fight” for what the client “wants”. It is to diagnose the legal issues verses the emotional issues of the case. It is to maneuver and strategize to achieve the best results on the legal issues and to refer the client to other trained professionals for the emotional problems. Our job is to give clients the tools to solve problems and put their children above their own emotional process when getting a divorce. Our job is to be the coordinators of healing. At a bare minimum, our job is not to destroy families. We should “first, do no harm.” We are the trauma center for families in crisis. It is an opportunity to help people change their lives, to learn to productively handle conflict. It should not be squandered for the attorney’s selfish greed.
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