Sometimes we go through hard times. It could be a divorce or losing a job or an illness. We all have times where we are challenged and maybe even feel like the whole world is falling apart around us. We have all asked ourselves, “Why is this happening to me?” I know when my marriage broke apart I asked this often. I was in intensive therapy and seeing the whole world differently. I had lived so long in abusive relationships that I thought it was normal. It truly felt like the fabric of my being was ripped to shreds. And WHY?!
Well, it felt that way because that is exactly what was happening. Our lives are a series of stories. There is the story of our lives as parents, as spouses, as business owners, as employees, as children and on and on. Sometimes, the smaller stories of our lives have to be shaken up or maybe even broken so that what is unshakeable can be revealed.
Sometimes, we make idols out of things of this world. We build our lives around a marriage or a career or a house or a lifestyle. These things become our identity. Sometimes these things have to fall apart for us to realize who we really are. Sometimes our world has to break so that we can rebuild our foundation. Through my process, I learned that my identity is not as a wife, or an attorney, or even a mother. Certainly, I enjoy my roles in life. But they are not who I am. The greatest gift from having your world fall apart is that you have the opportunity to meet the true you. It is a difficult process. At times, you may feel like you are going crazy. But, when you go through the pain and discomfort of stripping down all that other stuff, all those ideas of who you thought you were, you are left with an unshakeable foundation which reflects who you were truly created to be.
After sifting through the rubble we each find something different, as unique as the snowflakes – the most authentic versions of ourselves. I learned who I am. I am a child of God living in grace and love called to share that joy with the world. Notice “who we are” has nothing to do with status or roles. Before, if you’d asked me the same question, I would have said, “I am a mother, attorney and wife.” Of course, I cherish my role as a mother. But, that is not who I am. If that were my core being, I would’ve been nothing before I had children. And, when you define yourself by another person you put too much pressure on them. You require them to fulfill your existence.
So, to answer the question “Why am I going through this?” The answer is simple: to shake up your life so that you may meet yourself for the first time. When you no longer look to the things of this world ( your marriage, your job, your house, your status) to define your identity, a wonderful thing happens. You are then able to appreciate those things for what they are, without expectation or disappointment, for the first time in your life. It may be that you can then save your marriage or align your job to fit your newfound identity. It may be time to transition out of the old. Either way, it is a wonderfully exciting time. It is an opportunity to build a new life. You realize your strength. You begin to own your power. You create a life that you deserve. You live each moment with joy.
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Divorce with Joy provides information about divorce and legal issues designed to help users cope with their own legal needs. This legal information is not the same as personal legal advice – the application of law to an individual’s specific circumstances. If you want professional assurance regarding your personal situation, please consult a lawyer. If you are a lawyer, please review the authorities personally to determine their application to your case.
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