I wish more women understood how beautiful they are. Recently Gia from the Bachelor committed suicide. There is example after example of very beautiful women with eating disorders who are literally starving themselves to death. I see women all the time, either as clients or as the opposing party, who are spiraling. Their self-esteem is shot and they’re grasping at the world to make them feel pretty, to feel accepted.
I think every woman has been that person at some point or to a certain degree. It is a vicious cycle because the more desperate we are for that approval, the less attractive we become. Too many women think that beautiful is having the perfect hair, perfect nails, perfect body or just the right outfit.
Don’t get me wrong, it is good to take care of yourself. In fact, I recommend it! However, we are to take care of ourselves out of self-love not self-loathing; not to get a man or get attention or gain approval. The truth is that we could perfectly match the world’s definition of beautiful and people would still try to bring us down. If we put our identity in the world’s opinion of us, we will rise and fall at their whim.
The whole process of self-love has been a journey for me. I haven’t always been kind to myself. There were times in my life when I had a very abusive internal dialogue. I called myself names and thought that I was inferior because I didn’t fit someone else’s expectation of beauty. But, this is my experience. When I stopped talking to myself in that way, my whole life changed.
“What is your identity?”
This is the question that kept coming to mind during prayer and meditation. I realized most of the answers related to my place in the world. I am a mother, an attorney, a woman, etc. These are worldly labels. As long as you find your identity in those things you will seek approval in the world.
“Am I a good mother? Am I a skinny enough? Do I make enough money to be a successful attorney?” I realized none of these things have anything to do with who I truly am – with my true identity. My true identity is a love-filled being, living in grace as a child of God. When I began to accept this as who I truly am, I began to live out my radiant beauty.
Here is the key to beauty: let your light shine so bright that it is all people can see. People are drawn to light. It is quite comical to see them try to put their finger on it. They know you look different. You can tell they are really seeing you for the first time. They’ll say “you look so young with your hair like that” or “what are you doing different?” or “that tan looks so good on you”. It’s not the hair or the tan or anything of the like. It is happy. Happiness is the change that they can sense but can’t put into words.
There is song by Miguel that says “Love ain’t never looked so good on you.” It’s true. I’ve never worn love so well. It has nothing to do with a man or looks or day at the spa. The secret to beauty is that there is no secret. It is about living in love – a love that is available for anyone to freely accept. You are love. You are beautiful. Live out that truth and watch with enjoyment as the world around you changes.
If you found this article helpful, you’ll love the advice you’ll find in Divorce with Joy – A Divorce Attorney’s Guide to Happy Ever After.
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